Grief is not that simple!

The feeling usually followed by the death or loss of someone is what we know as grief and I’m here to tell you something that has not been said enough,
GRIEF IS COMPLEX.

Every minute, around 106 people die worldwide.
These are just figures, numbers, and facts. But these are also living beings.
All of them have one thing in common, that is, emotion!

Out of those 106 people, the death of a random 78th person was enough for their family to mean the demise of their entire world.

I lost my father in November 2021, and I cannot think of a day when he was not in my thoughts, conscious and subconscious both!

I as a person have always been an overachiever, a perfectionist, and very quick in my approaches. Always the one who has all the answers, the one who is the first to learn, and always the one to be doing better things.

But ever since he left me, I have this man-sized weight on my head that just didn’t make sense. I was enraged at myself for not being able to do the simplest of tasks that didn’t even take minimum effort. To do complicated tasks that demanded concentration and focus was way out of question, and my capacity at that time.

I was filled with anguish and disappointment in my being and told myself that I was just overconfident the whole time and that I’m not as good as I think.

After continuous episodes of mental breakdowns at any given time and constant self-loathing, I started to read about people who have lost someone and came to know people suffer the same. I decided to read some articles by mental health experts and the life experiences of many people about grief and why it makes us the way it does.

Why grief is complex is because I also lost my mother 10 years ago and that loss didn’t make me as miserable as the one that did now.

The present-day,

I decided to give myself a break, and apparently kind of gave up on a field that I had been working on for the past 5 years because it demanded constant energy and focus which at the moment I couldn’t offer and the more I kept forcing myself to do it the more I kept failing and frustrating.
I was on break for some time and then decided to write as it has always been fascinating to me.

Even today I have unexplainable breakdowns, moments of anger and irritation, self-loathe episodes, and the absolute unwillingness to do anything and give up completely. But the only difference now is that I know where all this is coming from and give myself the time and space to relax and get back.

So if you’re grieving or know someone who is, be supportive and patient. It is not simple!